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Navigate with Style

Charting the style of daily life...with the mouth of a sailor.

A Holiday Wish

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My most sincere apologies to Steve Martin…

If I had one wish that I could wish this holiday season, it would be for all the children to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace. If I had two wishes I could make this holiday season, the first would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace. And the second would be for 30 million dollars a month to be given to me, tax-free in a Swiss bank account. You know, if I had three wishes I could make this holiday season, the first, of course, would be for all the children of the world to get together and sing, the second would be for the 30 million dollars every month to me, and the third would be to have Cindy Crawford’s body, but in the 90’s, like when she was filming that exercise video with Radu. But then I’d pair that bod with the face of Linda Evangelista. And if I had four wishes that I could make this holiday season, the first would be the crap about the kids definitely, the second would be for the 30 million, the third would be for the 90’s supermodel looks, and the fourth would be to have an Hermes Birkin bag made especially for me. Wait a minute, maybe the 90’s supermodel thing should be the first wish, because it could all go boom tomorrow, then what do you got, y'know? No, no, the kids, the kids singing would be great, that would be nice. But wait a minute, who am I kidding? They're not going to be able to get all those kids together. I mean, the logistics of the thing is impossible, more trouble than it's worth! So -- we reorganize! Here we go. First, I want my 90’s supermodel looks. We go with that. Second, the money. No, we go with the money first, then the supermodel thing. And then the kids. Oh wait, oh jeez, I forgot about revenge against all the betches who’ve crossed me! Okay, I need revenge against the betches, they should lose their wifi signal and any decent coffee shop within proximity to their homes forever. That would be my fourth wish. And, of course, my fifth wish would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.

Thank you everybody and Happy Holidays!