I always say swimming in the Atlantic is like a breath mint for my soul. I'm fairly certain I came up with that on my own, but I could be wrong. Anyway, the cool, crisp waters shock my system, in such a good way, resetting me, giving me a fresh new perspective just when I need it, that I find myself craving that feeling all year long, when I'm far away from the ocean.
In this moment right now, I need a little reset. I went into my 40th birthday feeling fantastic, really loved and appreciated, and at peace with my current path. It's crazy though that in just a few days, that feeling has been replaced by something less welcome - doubt and wariness. I'd take a chilly dip in the ocean in a heartbeat right now.
Though I do post a lot, I don't often actually pour my heart out online. While I'm not likely to start doing so, I do feel compelled to vent a little bit...
And then I didn't.
A couple of weeks have passed since I wrote all of the above. I'm revisiting this now, remembering how I felt when I wrote it, and feeling quite relieved those feelings have dissipated. I'm coming off a lovely weekend, re-energized and re-inspired, so perhaps that's why I'm feeling great. But is this just a band aid? Or was the wariness just fleeting? I seem to think I'm a generally happy person, though my face doesn't always express that, apparently.
In the next couple of weeks, I'll be balls to the wall (is there a more femme version of this saying?) busy with my own personal tasks, kids camps and serving as their chauffeur to and fro, work assignments and just f^ck!ng living my life, before heading east for our annual pilgrimage to Cape Cod, so I'm guessing my feelings will mostly be a blend of frenzy and excitement.
Then, while on Cape, I'll be so gotdamn happy, literally chilling my bones in the ocean, so that'll be great. But what comes after? Sadness because I'll be heading back west, but anticipation for this year's Middle Waves music festival? Who the hell knows... We're all just guessing at what comes next, right?
What was even the point of this post? Venting, I guess. That, and really wanting to submerge myself in icy cold waters.